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Please check out my portfolio, Binsa's Journey. I appreciate all of your feedback!



(Image information: The Churning of The Ocean of Milk obtained from Rear-View-Mirror.)

Comments

  1. Hi Katelyn!
    Wow, what a great story! I love how much detail and attention you put into this story. The descriptors you used really made the story come alive when I was reading. The picture you used was perfect to set the scene and mood. The touch of research that went into picking Abhaya's name was a great addition, and I'm glad it was explained in the author's note.
    Your ability to write stories is amazing! You do a great job of making the story feel like a part of the Indian epics. There was only one thing I noticed that distracted from this picture of words. I would recommend changing the phrase "hot topic" while the crowd is murmuring to something more of that time. I think it would make the overall feel of an epic go uninterrupted.
    Your ending had me wondering who the deer was and how her journey would progress! I'm excited to see where you end up taking this story. Great job!

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  2. Hello Katelyn,

    I really liked your story! It is super well written and I love all of the vivid imagery! I also love all the small details such as Abhaya's name. It is little things like that that really shows how dedicated and how much time you put into your story. Content wise, I don't have anything to suggest. There are, however, a few grammar issues that I would suggest changing. The one thing that I saw a lot when reading your stories was that your verb tense is not the same for a couple sentences. For example "Without a response was the earth as the Ganges ate up the ashes of the beloved Dharma-Queen, swallowing her whole." is kinda awkward. Some of the sentences were also a little awkward to read and can use some clarification. There were also a couple spelling errors so I suggest rereading your story to try and catch those. I enjoyed reading it though and good luck with your project!

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  3. Hi Katelyn! I am going to use the TAG method for feedback on your the first story of your Portfolio. Tell...I love how right from the beginning of your story you provide a vivid description of the setting. Your written description tied with the picture chosen on the header, really pulls your reader into the story as if we are watching the story unfold from a distance. Ask...While reading your story, I wondered what time period your story was set in? I know you describe in your author's note that you wanted to embrace more of a feminine hero (which is so awesome), so does this mean the setting of your story is more during the present time? Or did you keep the story in its original time period but are trying to show a more advanced community? Give...The only suggestion that I would give is maybe combining a few of your smaller paragraphs together. This is obviously optional as it is only a suggestion. There were a few paragraphs that were only one sentence long, so I thought it might help the reader if the shorter paragraphs were combined into one, especially if they relate to each other.

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  4. Hey Katelyn! I love your breakdown. Your writing flows smoothly and you broke down the formatting in a way that is nice and easy to follow. You drew us into your story with a narrative and then added personality through speech and dialogue. I enjoyed how you intertwined some ideas but added some twist to add your own personal flair. I thought it was cool how you added a bit of historical context about the Ocean of Milk as it was also a sort of lesson that you could share with us outside of this specific context and it made for an informative read. Overall the story and writing were really well done. If I had to throw out a suggestion, it might be in the context of the crowd. The crowd seems like have a life of its own and maybe you could expand in some descriptive detail about the interactions between them! Great job!

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  5. Katelyn,

    I am sad to say that I probably won't get to see how this portfolio ends considering the semester's end coming in two days! While all of your readers will forever be left at a cliffhanger (grr!), I thoroughly enjoyed what you have posted so far. However, I did catch one small hiccup in the first story. You spelled "Jagavi" two different ways here - "Jagavi" and "Jogavi" in different parts throughout the story. I'm sure the two spellings are both common between sources and make no difference, but I also think consistency is key! I really appreciate how you kept the story line very close with the original that you based it off of. I've read so many stories that strayed so far away from the original source that it felt like I was reading something from a completely different class. Haha! Not that that's a bad thing - I just was happy to relate and learn more about actual Indian Epics in this portfolio. Great job!

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